We all have the capacity to love, something as wonderful as the person who inspires it. That is why it is natural to fall in love again and to seek a shared life.
On many occasions, accepting that a relationship has ended is hard. It means saying goodbye to a person who has been part of everyday life for a long time, changing your life, facing your own fears.
However, when you find the courage to take on that situation, you also get the kind face that everything has.
Facing the fact implies from the outset feeling good about yourself and opting for a more coherent life, giving yourself the necessary time to take that step.
Love has different facets and some are painful. In order to enjoy it, it is therefore necessary to accept and live them, although not all of them are desirable.
Sometimes a third person can cross the path showing the existence of unmet needs.
It can be the trigger for one of the parties to decide to end a relationship that is off or expires. How to start a new relationship then?
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1. MATURITY AS AN ALLY
Opening up to love again requires joy, gratitude and a certain uncertainty in the face of the unknown, as well as a renewed enthusiasm for venturing into that special and unique terrain.
You start again, but from a privileged position, since you enjoy greater wisdom obtained from previous relationships, greater maturity provided by experience, more self-knowledge and, above all, more capacity to love.
This new project allows you to rediscover love, surrender to it to give the best of yourself and also obtain it from your partner.
2. GRATITUDE TOWARDS THE PAST
To get rid of the ties of the past and to be able to fully live the present love, it is necessary to forgive, accept the current situation, learn from the experience and close that lived chapter.
These steps allow you to free yourself from more or less conscious negative emotions that damage your inner balance and meet other positive ones, such as gratitude towards the ex-partner for what you have experienced and learned in common, as well as for all the good that could be mobilized and that we allowed to grow as people.
The disgruntled partner can idealize the qualities of the other person, longing for life together and believing that they will never feel a similar love again.
But later on, the opposite situation may occur: the attention is focused on the most unpleasant aspects of the other person or of living together, in an attempt to break the emotional bond.
Both reactions are very selective and not very consistent with reality. To obtain an objective vision, it is necessary to analyze the past from reason, relegating emotion to the background.
All the relationships that make up a person’s sentimental life add some wisdom about love, about oneself, and about one’s own way of loving.
They provide information about their own mistakes, which should be honestly assumed. Learning from them and trying to correct them in the future is essential.
Relationships from the past offer a basis for loving more authentically and richly in the present.
3. LEARN FROM FAILURE
Love and lack of love are part of life. Human beings need to experience these situations, as they are part of our development process as people.
Crises incite us to renew ourselves and generate resources to live in a more realistic and coherent way, although sometimes we can tend to fall into despair.
The smart thing to do is not experience the breakup as a failure, but rather as an evolution towards something more positive and enriching. This requires trusting yourself and the life process.
In life situations do not affect us so much as the way we think about them and the way we face them.
4. AVOID THE MOST FREQUENT MISTAKES
The ability to perfect behavior through practice is inherent in human beings.
And although it is very special, love can be considered one more behavior, which if exercised can enrich itself and gain quality.
Opening ourselves again to love gives us the opportunity to love in a broader sense.
There is always something to learn: from oneself, from the way we give ourselves, from our fears, from our least explored facets, from who makes our love possible.
Therefore, before embarking on a new relationship, you can take advantage of this parenthesis to analyze the attitudes that could harm the previous one. For example:
- Wanting to change your partner. Loving each other does not mean thinking the same, but respecting the other’s way of being. The more that is achieved in a couple, the easier it is to agree, because there is already an essential agreement: I accept you as you are, you accept me as I am. Pretending to change the partner hides the desire to dominate them because their freedom is feared. Respecting her means accepting that she is different.
- See the relationship as a bed of roses. Difficulties are an integral part of love. An intimate relationship cannot be conceived without conflict. Conflict must be viewed not as a lack of love but as a call to love each other in another way.
- Hold the partner responsible for their own shortcomings. Human beings are imperfect. Accepting one’s own defects and limits leads to not asking the other to cover deficiencies that do not correspond to him. It is a task that no one can carry out other than yourself.
- Losing individuality. Relating means getting close enough to the other to connect with him but maintaining individuality. That two people love each other implies, among other things, the ability to create spaces that make it easier for the other person to be themselves and have their own unshared place. Each member of the couple needs to have the other but also freedom to enjoy their privacy.
- Make comparisons. Feeling compared is not fair nor does it add anything positive to the current bond. People or situations from the past are not a valid reference in the present.
5. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED PRACTICES
Therefore, living with a partner in a reasonably stable and happy way has to do with:
- Show disagreements and concerns, know how to expose them without offending the other and ask for help for the change.
- Ask for forgiveness. Once you understand that you have acted incorrectly, it is not a defeat to say: “I was wrong”, “I’m sorry”.
- Communicating hopes and wishes allows us to share with the couple the best of our dreams and expectations.
- Manifest the qualities and good aspects of the couple brightens the relationship.
- Being grateful and recognizing positive gestures improves the daily climate.
6. OVERCOME THE SWING OF EMOTIONS
The couple’s relationship goes through different stages and emotions. Having the flexibility to accept them and experience them while enjoying each one allows them to grow as individuals and as a couple.
A relationship is fruitful and lasts as long as it involves growth for both of you; sometimes it can be a few months, sometimes a lifetime.
The challenge is to open up to a different way of being in the world – that of the other – and integrate it into oneself. In other words, it requires opening up to a new thought, to a different way of living.
We never know how long a relationship can last, but it is important to be actively involved, with enthusiasm, accepting that uncontrollable point that life has.
7. ENJOY SOLITUDE
Experience shows the importance of enjoying certain moments of loneliness, without judging them as something strictly negative.
Self-confidence and the absence of fear of loneliness radically dissipates the discomfort of “being alone” and opens a range of possibilities that allows you to savor the richness of the present moment.
It is important to observe yourself and see what is happening inside. Loving yourself is the key to being free and enjoying life and what it can offer.
A stage without a partner is an optimal time to assume the mistakes that characterized previous relationships, but valuing all the good that you have.
8. LOVE FROM REALITY
Love begins when we truly discover the other.
It allows us to know him in depth, to appreciate his way of thinking, of behaving in everyday life, the way he perceives us, what he expects from us and what we can give him to make him happy and consolidate the relationship. There is no secret to eternal love.
These changes allow enrichment, broaden the vision of the other, evolve in the way of loving, rediscover the couple from new realities.
This discovery occurs when you go from infatuation to love.
The infatuation is one of the most significant phases of the loving relationship and contributes significantly to facilitate its infancy, but is temporary. It is only the beginning.
It implies an emotional state of joy and happiness, in which a strong attraction for the other person prevails, which is idealized.
The lover feels more secure and important, dear, even those aspects of oneself that did not like before lose relevance.
Falling in love implies loving from a certain fantasy, in a superficial and fleeting way.
If the love is not solid, the relationship may come to an end when the magic of having met someone new disappears and it begins to be seen that the other person is not so “perfect”.
The love is the maturation of the initial infatuation to make it a stable love possible to make a lasting relationship and delivery.
It is born from coexistence, from sharing, from giving and receiving, from mutual interests, from shared values. It is based on reality; it is not blind.
Idealization disappears, but the loved one shows unsuspected facets, fills, likes and therefore wants to share life with her.
Love needs to know the other person in depth. It takes time to discover the flaws of the loved one, as well as the strengths and weaknesses of the relationship.
You do not begin to love when you meet a theoretically perfect person, but when you learn to see perfection in an imperfect person.
9. HOW DO YOU KNOW IF THE COUPLE WORKS?
- The two-feel different but with similar points of view.
- They both love each other and feel loved.
- Each one knows how to put himself in the place of the other.
- They are able to face problems and difficulties together.
- The respect and tolerance arise from love.
- They have the capacity for understanding, generosity and forgiveness.
- He is not socially isolated.
- The other is accepted as they are and each one can show themselves without masks or fears.
- The changes of the other are experienced as something normal, not as a threat.
- They easily assume errors and limitations.
- They ask the other how they can improve.
- They choose the optimal moment to discuss the most sensitive issues.