Emotions A method to learn to set limits

A method to learn to set limits


If you have a hard time not pleasing everyone, you may end up neglecting your own needs. With these 7 keys it will be easier for you.

Can’t stop pleasing?  Since it is a mechanic learned from childhood, daring not to like it is an art that is conquered little by little. Let’s see some points that will help us free ourselves:

Recognize your gifts

Instead of comparing yourself to others, longing bitterly for what others have and what you lack, ask yourself the question: “What is it that makes me unique?”. Surely you have different characteristics and talents than these people you admire.

Without falling into self-centeredness, being aware of them will allow you to walk your own path, instead of stressing yourself following the trail of others.

Nothing happens if they don’t love you

Aspiring to be loved by everyone is as natural as it is impossible. There are so many different sensitivities, temperaments and points of view that by force there will be a part of the population that does not “swallow us”.

On one occasion, the novelist Care Santos said: “Poor he who, from the age of 40, has not made a couple of good enemies.” By this he meant that the constant friction of living brings friendships and disagreements. The only way not to reap antipathies would be to frequent a circle so small that it would end up drowning us.

Falling badly can be a privilege

The opposite of love is not hatred, but indifference. Many aversions hide admiration or envy, which is a negative form of recognition.

About this, the writer of this article once went with a friend to a party in which everyone looked down on us. This made my companion confess to me: “I want to look bad here,” which he managed to do. In hostile environments and situations, being unfriendly can be an act of assertiveness.

Love cannot be bought

Dr. Antoni Bolinches comments that people who have not felt loved in childhood will try to “buy” the love of others as adults. And they will do it through continuous favors, with excessive attention to the needs of others, inviting thoughtlessly, giving away their time.

However, none of this helps to form healthy bonds. On the contrary, when the relationship of “give and take” between two people is unbalanced, the one who receives too much ends up feeling uncomfortable by a growing debt that he cannot pay and, unconsciously, ends up breaking the bond.

Set clear boundaries

As the protagonists of Dare not to like argue, by taking care of the tasks of others we are sowing future conflicts.

  • In the first place, because this way we favor the imbalance in the relationship.
  • Secondly, because whoever takes care of the task of others sooner or later demands a compensation that often does not arrive.

Being able to say, “This is none of my business” does not mean being selfish or unsupportive. On the contrary, instead of creating harmful attachments, by returning responsibility to the other we are empowering him to take charge of his life.

Identify what you want

In the Faust story, the devil probes the protagonist with the question: “What is your wish? ”And its fulfillment is going to have terrible consequences.

Unjustifiably, our tradition beats the idea that it is okay to take care of the needs of others, but not your own. Without this meaning being a slave to the whims of the moment, becoming aware of what we really want in life will help us not only to fulfill ourselves, but also to be more useful to others.

Enjoy your loneliness

The poet Antonio Machado used to say that “Whoever speaks alone / hopes to speak to God one day”, in the sense that intimate communication is the first step towards a deep relationship with the world.

To be okay with others, you must first learn to be comfortable with yourself . In short, be your best friend.

MindFixes Staffhttp://mindfixes.com
MindFixes is dedicated to promoting mental health, preventing mental disorders and advocating, educating, and serving all people with mental and substance use conditions. MindFixes is determined to persevere, learn, grow, love and laugh through our wellness journey and we invite all to join.


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