How to How does your inner voice judge you?

How does your inner voice judge you?


We all know that inner voice that judges our actions and thoughts. Sometimes it helps us adapt to the world, but other times it becomes a harsh judge condemning us to rigidity. When this happens, it is time to sit down and talk with him honestly.

We are social beings and we are made to vibrate and react to everything outside of us. Therefore, in addition to thinking of ourselves as individual and independent beings, it is essential – and inevitable – to conceive ourselves in terms of interrelation. Our emotions cannot develop without the relationship with others: we look towards ourselves and outwards. Our “internal judge” is a kind of referee who acts as a filter between our inner perception and the outside world. The internal judge is the one who judges, analyzes and determines our behaviors, our opinions and our needs. This judge, who is formed during our childhood, can help us or condemn us. We must negotiate with him.


Human beings are, above all, creators of our reality. To survive our environment in the best conditions, we are able to make creative adjustments throughout our lives. The first creative adjustments we make during our childhood, when we learn resources and strategies in our family and social environment to be able to feel that we belong to our family – with its characteristics and “hobbies”, but that we are also ourselves, forming our personality as reaction to that environment and within our possibilities.

These creative adjustments can be classified into two large blocks: those fixed at the pole of the external and those fixed at the pole of the internal. Each of these blocks, fixations or rigidities organize characteristic aspects of our personality that make us decide the meaning of events in a typical way and give us a somewhat skewed explanation of the world. With this explanation of ourselves and of the world we act and live.

  • A person basically fixed on the “external gaze”. They are usually accommodating, helpful, and totally devoted to others. His reality, his way of capturing the world, is always based on those around him, based on the point of view, desires and needs of others. He always agrees with what others say and needs and, in extreme cases, lacks judgment and a life of his own. The childhood of this person is characterized by the lack of attention of the adults of the family. There was always someone who had more needs, a parent, a brother or a close relative who was not very sick or needy.
  • To the people fixed in the internal glance, the opposite happens to them. It is easy to deduce that the one who only has eyes for himself is an egocentric person, who only takes into account his needs, his desires and his criteria. They are the only axis of your reality. These types of people grow up being the center of attention of their families or of one of their parents, mainly the mother, who goes out of her way to attend and please the demands of her child, however capricious they may be.
  • This lack of rhythm in the dance between internal gaze and external gaze needs to be compensated, and it will always be in a creative way. And who will take care of it? Our “internal judge” is the figure who tries to balance those looks. He judges us, analyzes us and determines us.


We are made for this rhythm of coming and going from the external to the internal, and when we have learned to be fixed in one of the poles, the internal judge is in charge of reminding us what “our obligation” is, as a way to reinforce the adjustment. creative we made in our childhood and keep it active throughout our lives.

People basically fixed on the outer pole, when they experience a personal need or desire, “listen” to the inner voice that reminds them that if they think about them, postponing or not paying attention to those around them, they are selfish, miserable and bad people. 

To people fixed on the inner pole, this inner voice is in charge of reminding them that each one goes about their own business, that if we don’t take care of us nobody will, or that people are not grateful, so it is not worth it. deal with being attentive to anyone. The initial intention of the judge is to help us adapt to our environment.

When this happens, it is time to sit down and talk with him and renegotiate new laws, more flexible and updated, that do not obey expired mandates, but rather expand our possibilities for personal freedom.


Disagreements with our internal judge are a good opportunity to review values ​​and behaviors and restore the balance between the external and internal gaze. This exercise can be a good starting point:

  1. Remember something external that you really enjoy: music, scenery, reading. Be aware of the physical sensations you experience and what you think and feel when attending to your choice.
  2. Now think of someone to whom you feel emotionally attached. Become aware of the feelings they create for you, what you expect from that person and what they usually expect from you.
  3. Contrast the sensations and feelings produced by your first choice with the sensations and feelings created by thinking about the chosen person. How do they interfere with each other? Listen to the conclusions of your internal judge and the arguments he gives you on how to decide between your needs and those of others. This dance from the external to the internal will allow you to draw a conclusion about what is the predominance of your fixation and how your judge acts to try to affirm you in one of the poles instead of allowing you to balance between both.
  4. Discovered how your internal judge acts, stop listening to their advice and try to experience how your life would be fixed in the other polarity. Explore your sensations and feelings. How would your life change if it were like this forever? When you are clear about your true desire, focus on the steps necessary to achieve it and remember that true satisfaction is in the balance between the desire for yourself and that of others.
MindFixes Staff
MindFixes is dedicated to promoting mental health, preventing mental disorders and advocating, educating, and serving all people with mental and substance use conditions. MindFixes is determined to persevere, learn, grow, love and laugh through our wellness journey and we invite all to join.


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