Life as a couple tests our ability to face disappointments, but it also brings out the best in each of us. A sense of humor makes it easy.
The newly in love act as if they have been struck by a thunderbolt full of energy. They look at their partner with a disarming smile, they find all his phrases ingenious, none of his actions seem vulgar to them. Years later, that vision can be shattered. Why did that good humor turn sour? What became of that unusual mixture of tolerance and receptivity?
The ability to laugh, to look at the brilliance of an experience, to relativize the importance of one’s own or other people’s defects, to appreciate beauty, resides in our gaze.
This being the case, it is no less true that when someone approaches their peers with that attitude, when they face life and relationships with relaxation and optimism, they can spread that spirit to other people.
There are neither eggs nor chickens as distinct entities. We are facing a kind of virtuous circle: those who have a sense of humor take things with swing, and by approaching situations with that point of distance and relativity, they increase their capacity for maneuver and conviction.
It is convenient to find a way to enter that circle and we have all done it at some time.
HUMOR IS A GREAT COMPANION
A sense of humor exudes the salt, spark and grace that only you can add to your life. It is what allows you to survive the storms of existence and gain wisdom with them.
Humor prevents discouragement from defeating us in so many moments; it makes your own and other people’s tension relax even when the problem is not solved or has no solution.
In the case of life as a couple, humor helps to deal with disappointments in a constructive way, to find a creative solution to conflicts and to share and fully appreciate the good moments.
No one can develop a sense of humor and savor its bitter advantages if they do not understand and accept that life has its own laws, that nothing depends entirely on one, that most of the things we enjoy are the result of the direct and indirect participation of many others. people and beings. Keeping this in mind will make us more humble and grateful.
Everything, whether inside or outside oneself, is constantly changing. And it is the fact of taking on challenges and facing difficulties that allows us to grow and learn.
It is not difficult to find humor in the most extreme and harsh human situations: he laughs in hospitals, in mortuaries, in wars, in refugee camps or after a divorce. He laughs with a heavy heart and a broken heart. In all these cases, laughing helps keep your sanity.
But it’s not just about not freaking out. The sense of humor also helps to enjoy life while we have it, to see its friendly side and, of course, it greatly facilitates social relationships.
STRENGTHEN THE RELATIONSHIP THROUGH HUMOR
Suffering, pain, and obsession can isolate a person and make them more self-centered. The sense of humor, on the contrary, opens her up to others and makes her more attractive.
Those who interact with ease, without worrying excessively about the image they will give, the assessment they will obtain or how to adapt to what they think is expected of them, can be more spontaneous, more relaxed and, of course, more fun.
The key to this is to accept yourself as you are, without wasting energy on a game of assumptions and appearances.
A couple must be able to communicate properly, cultivate a good relationship of friendship and mutual help, and develop a compatible way of understanding life and dealing with everyday life.
Consolidating that over time is not easy. For the relationship to be rich and satisfactory, two essential elements are also required: a global and integrated idea of a couple or family, which resists the daily vicissitudes and a lot of sense of humor so as not to forget it!
THE POWERS OF HUMOR
Humor brings that understanding that two people can be together and happy without having to be the same; understanding and accepting that things, the other, the relationship, are rarely as one has planned or thought but that, if they are not planned, they turn out better!
In the life of a couple, being able to use a sense of humor helps to:
- Maintain the strength of the link. Laughing together, laughing at one and both at the same time, helps to feel closer, closer emotionally. Laughter also makes us more attractive in the eyes of the other, with an added advantage: it is not possible to be angry for a long time with someone who makes us laugh. Modern sexology also claims that couples who laugh together have more and higher-quality sex (not a joke!).
- Stimulate the game. Connect with joy, develop the ability to find beauty in the smallest and most everyday things, to give brightness and color to married life it is easy through humor.
- Express conflicting feelings. Issues that could generate tension and anxiety can be addressed in a more controlled and fun way.
- Decrease tension. Laughing provides relief from stress; dispel worries and frustration; negative emotions seem to fade Laughter neutralizes the bitterness and stress of the day. The problem may not go away, but at least you get relaxation and energy to deal with it with a better chance of success.
- Broaden the perspective. Humor allows you to see more nuances to reality, better understand the other, be more flexible and tolerant. It helps not to take things so “seriously”, as if they were personal matters; to perceive the positive side even in the midst of discomfort. It attenuates the tendency to focus primarily on the negative in experiences and helps to develop a more optimistic attitude towards life.
- Elevate the mood. Humor minimizes the pain produced by disagreements, misunderstandings and arguments; helps not to get stuck in negative states. At the same time, other positive emotions are generated, such as love, hope, joy.
- Solve problems. The sense of humor improves the predisposition of mind to focus on psychological resources and positive abilities and capacities of oneself and others. This makes it much easier to face problems, define them and seek consensual solutions.
- Get to know each other and adapt better. Sometimes a person can get caught up in trying to change the partner, stubborn in understanding that things should be done as she says, or raging because the other is different from what was thought. In these cases, a sense of humor, with the perspective and open-mindedness it provides, makes us more compassionate and allows greater mutual acceptance.
HUMOR IS A BRAIN REWARD
Research on the different brain states that occur in moments of well-being have found that laughter and humor activate the so called “reward system”, that is, the same brain areas that are stimulated by love and other pleasant experiences, as well as with the consumption of certain drugs.
This explains why after an episode of intense humor we experience a feeling of euphoria and feel more energetic.
In turn, it is known that the ability to laugh is related to the prefrontal area of the cerebral cortex the most evolved part of the human brain responsible for processing all sequences of events and for establishing relationships between different activities and their consequences.
That is why the sense of humor has a lot to do with the ability to be creative with concepts, to make an unexpected association between two ideas or situations that in theory should not be related, and with the ability to see things from a totally different perspective. different than usual.
For this reason, those who want to develop a good sense of humor must be able to “let go”, start not taking things so seriously (which is not the same as lightly), be willing to learn intensely from everyone and every one of life’s lessons, risk being more flexible, stop holding on to control, trust more that sooner or later you will find your way out of trouble.
Within humor, of course, there are categories. A couple may use humor to express aggressiveness, hostility, or a desire for dominance.
Few things are closer to resentment and further from self-criticism than a sarcastic phrase. It’s easy for the recipient to reply with another hurtful comment rather than a smile.
Irony brings up conflicting issues and tests the ability to deal with them with maturity and open-mindedness. Tone is crucial in humor. A wise aphorism by José Camón Aznar says “Good humorist: the sentence can be true just by changing the tone.”
In this case the intonation softens the message, removes its possible sting. With an appropriate tone – impregnated with love and humanity – we can release a lapidary phrase that provokes laughter in the couple. But those same words could also be a source of tears, as they may describe a situation with a dramatic component.
SEX WITHOUT HUMOR? NO THANKS!
When psychologists and sexologists ask their clients what attracted them to their partner, the majority of responses they get are: “his sympathy”, “he made me laugh”, “his sense of humor”.
When looking into older couples, such as those who are successfully staying together twenty years later, the unanimous, though not unique, answer is: “a sense of humor. “
Who wants to be with someone they can’t laugh with? But if at first, we laughed, we made an effort to please and make each other laugh. why can it be so difficult later?
If a couple is carried away by that comfort, by the tranquility of the routine in a positive sense, if they start to take everything for granted and understood, the illusion is extinguished. This also reduces sexual desire, which in some people disappears altogether.
No couple regains sexual desire and achieves satisfaction in that most intimate area if they do not laugh again together and separately from joys and difficulties. Because, in fact, what is sex if not the uninhibited, spontaneous and dedicated game of two souls embedded in two bodies that accept each other as they are – whose skin has the beauty of the smooth, the rough, the soft, the dry, the cold, the warm.
They say that sex, without love, is not the same but, in bed, it stimulates a laugh more than a romantic promise and, if not, try it!
AN EFFECTIVE AND HUMANE WAY TO SEDUCE
Laughing sincerely at yourself is not threatening to your partner, so it doesn’t help stoke any scorching fires (no, it’s not about sex!).
Whoever does it is demonstrating security, self-esteem, intelligence and mental creativity, which, in themselves, already constitute a source of personal and erotic attractiveness. Implicitly, the person comes to say, “No, I’m not perfect either, but how about we make a stew with our mutual imperfections?”
Someone who is able to accept his own shortcomings can also show understanding for his partner’s or, at the very least, not despair. And if the other feels understood and accepted, they are already disarmed! Who can resist it?
YOU ALSO LEARN TO LAUGH
Humor is like a dream: it arises spontaneously in the right conditions. To stimulate it, it is convenient:
- Know how to manage stress and anxiety. To strive on all fronts: physical (breathing, relaxation, exercise, sleep), psychological (planning time, distinguishing between the essential and the accessory, between what depends on one and what does not), spiritual (remember that we are “on He passed”).
- Cultivate a positive attitude. At the end of the day, before going to bed, look for one good thing that has been learned; one to be enjoyed and another to be proud of, laughing or not.
- Accept yourself as a unique and special person, endowed with virtues and defects, with all the potential to live with happiness and fulfillment.
- Take care of friends. Spending time with them, opening up to meet people from very different backgrounds and personalities.
- Ask a lot and listen more. Find opportunities to laugh and surround yourself with optimistic and happy people, with personal goals, from whom you can learn and to whom you can contribute something.
- Talk about what you are passionate about and what made you laugh or smile during the day. Avoid sharing only doubts and fears with your partner.
- Laugh at yourself and what happens. If we were the scriptwriter of a television series, what time of day would we choose for its humor?
- Be assertive. That is, learn to express feelings and desires; to defend their own rights without hurting others but with strict respect for oneself.
- Play, dance, allow yourself to be spontaneous. What can happen? What is ridiculous? There are those who charge for it!