Emotions Overcome doubts in love

Overcome doubts in love

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Romantic tales end with ‘they were happy and they ate partridges’, but the real story begins later. The couple relationship is dynamic and changing, it has its ups and downs and, at times, it makes us doubt. Loving does not consist in having no doubts but in knowing that together we can overcome any difficulty.

What would have happened to Romeo and Juliet’s relationship if they had been able to live their love? How would they have coped with shopping, caring for the children, or accepting that their sexual desire has decreased? How would they have acted if one of them had felt an intense attraction for another person? Surely, at some point, both of them would have had serious doubts about staying together. Most of the stories they tell us stay in the first phase of the relationship, falling in love. But the true love story begins with coexistence, a dynamic and changing process that can raise doubts about whether or not to continue together. The project of building a relationship involves a shared experience between two people that goes through phases infatuation, daily life or power struggle, shared intimacy – in which the degree of motivation and interest varies considerably.

PHASES OF THE RELATIONSHIP AND DOUBTS: HOW DO THEY EVOLVE?

In the first moment of the relationship, in the infatuation, there are usually few doubts, since both experience a lot of intimacy and few practical problems. In this phase, the couple sets in motion a series of romantic beliefs and expectations myths related to love that lead them to idealize the other and, therefore, to distort reality.

After some time, we reach the phase that we have called everyday life or power struggle, in which romantic beliefs disappear. Falling from the cloud in which they had settled, the couple is faced with the reality of daily problems, with responsibilities, with all that Romeo and Juliet did not have the opportunity to go through.

It is usually the period in which the couple experiences with the greatest intensity doubts about whether it is worth moving forward. A third person may appear on the scene or the frustration of the expectations of the romantic myths built up may weigh too heavily. The stability and future of your relationship will depend to a large extent on the solutions you adopt to address these doubts.

THE DILEMMAS HAVE TO DO WITH ROMANTIC MYTHS

Many people have the false belief that living with a partner is synonymous with always living in love. For this reason, when they reach the stage of establishing the commitment, before the decay of the initial feeling, they experience doubts and long for the intense emotions of the beginning. That is when the ground is ripe for the new love to appear, that person with whom to reawaken romantic feelings. If that someone appears, they choose to end the relationship and start a new one.

Obviously, this experience will last as long as it takes to reach everyday life. But, as we said, sometimes a third person is not necessary, but the doubts respond to the frustration of the romantic myths built at the beginning. And what are they usually? “If my partner really loved me, he would be able to anticipate my needs, what I feel and what I think.”

Do we want a partner or a fortune teller? It is important to know how to communicate our needs clearly and precisely, knowing how to accept that it is a real pleasure that our partner knows how to intuit us and anticipate at certain times. “My partner will never criticize or contradict me”.

The couple is there to support each other and also to show their differences when they exist. This implies that we must learn to listen to what we like to hear, but also what we do not like, since they can be important things for the development of the relationship. “If we love each other, we have to always be together and share everything.” We need individual time within the relationship. Activities outside of it, interacting with other people without the need to always be accompanied by our partner, brings fresh air and experiences that nurture the relationship.

THE NATURAL THING IS THAT THERE ARE DOUBTS

The maturity of a couple relationship lies precisely in accepting that there are doubts and in solving them together. “My partner and I must have the same goals and interests.” Perfect when it comes to life together, but in other areas it doesn’t have to be that way. As with personal spaces, the difference in interests can significantly nurture the relationship. “The frequency of sex should never drop.”

“Love stands on its own, if it decays, it no longer exists.” All relationships need maintenance work to function. In the words of the German psychologist Erich Fromm, “love is an art and as such needs knowledge and technique, both aspects that develop with practice.” “If you love me, you won’t be interested in other people.” We cannot stop feeling and, therefore, we can always feel personal and sexual attraction for other people.

We are not responsible for what we feel, but we are responsible for what we do with it. We can compromise with our partner about our fidelity, but not in terms of our feelings when relating to others. It is always good to address our doubts with our partner in a sincere and transparent way, and that requires adaptability and flexibility on the part of both. Leaving space in the relationship to raise and resolve our doubts does not mean the end of love but rather access to constructive intimacy, a phase of commitment that not all couples reach.

MindFixes Staffhttp://mindfixes.com
MindFixes is dedicated to promoting mental health, preventing mental disorders and advocating, educating, and serving all people with mental and substance use conditions. MindFixes is determined to persevere, learn, grow, love and laugh through our wellness journey and we invite all to join.

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