Relationship Save a relationship that is fading

Save a relationship that is fading

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For a relationship to work, large doses of dedication, sincerity, generosity, honesty, communication are required Recovering these bases can make love last for much longer.

There are healthy couples (based on love and respect) that end up breaking up at a given moment. Nothing specific happens that precipitates the separation: it simply “ends what there was.” On many occasions, the members of the couple observe for months how love slips through their fingers but they are unable to reverse the situation.

Can we salvage a relationship that seems doomed? If the two people decide to embark on a path of mutual growth, taking into account the ingredients that are necessary for a couple to last, they can achieve it.

BE FAIR WITH WHAT WE DEMAND OF YOU

In the past, emotional security not only depended on the couple, but was sustained by a wider community: there were parents, uncles, grandparents and neighbors with whom they lived and became intimate in the same close space.

By living more isolated in this totally individualistic society, which also does not have a common project superior to the personal one and in which there are no longer collective utopias, we look for in the couple everything that these people gave us and we ask, therefore, much more to our life partner. Are we being fair?

LEARN TO LOVE THE REAL

Excess idealism can become the first obstacle to bonding with another person in a lasting way. It is convenient to seek what is possible and learn to love the person in front of us and not the one we dream of.

As the writer Coral Herrera points out, love “requires large doses of self-openness, dedication, generosity, sincerity, communication, honesty, the capacity for altruism, which collide with the reality of relationships between postmodern men and women”. The greater life expectancy, together with the constant changes, lead us to live many experiences and even different lives in one, when our ancestors lived in the same context and with the same relationships (work for life, partner to always, same city, etc.).

Thus, over time, sexual desire and love cannot always go hand in hand and remain unchanged, so it is convenient to accept that sometimes there is no choice but to break up to recover them. But we live in a new model that makes it so easy for us to break up with our partner in the face of the slightest difficulty, which can lead us to shy away from the conflicts that would allow us to grow together with the other and see the couple always makes us a mirror our parts to improve, face fears, give up the desire to dominate, dare to be vulnerable.

THE BODY AND SEX COUNT

According to statistics, being satisfied with the sexual relations that are maintained with the couple is the best guarantee so that it lasts beyond the challenges that life poses. We are talking about being satisfied with one’s sexuality, not about the number or frequency of relationships. “In a relationship, the body counts because it has a specific memory and language of its own, and sexuality represents the possibility of communicating what cannot be expressed through words,” said couples therapy specialist Susan Stroke.

A satisfactory sexuality although it can be learned that having it– often does not depend only on what one does, but on what awakens the other and on the connection that we feel bodily with him, on the sexual chemistry that occurs. There are people who generate sexual desire no matter what time passes and others who will not produce it in the same way.

To keep the sexual desire alive, it is necessary to reserve time for it and for each member of the couple to feel that they have a lesser-known territory left to conquer than the other. The greatest challenge for a couple today is being able to maintain a space to develop sexuality without stress, lack of time and excess worry interfering. It could also be specified that sometimes sexual relations are much more than intercourse, and that sexuality is a form of pleasure and contact with the other from a broader sense.

Caresses and sensuality are also a form of sexuality and giving them space, as well as tenderness, allows us to experiment and play with the presence of the other rather than compete or achieve a goal in bed.

INTERDEPENDENCE INSTEAD OF DEPENDENCY

Sing and dance together and be happy, but let each of you be independent. The strings of a lute are separated even though they vibrate with the same music ”, wrote the Lebanese poet Khalil Gibran about the pair. “Stay together… but not too close together. Because the pillars support the temple, but they are separated. Neither the oak grows under the shade of the cypress nor the cypress under that of the oak tree ”, he adds.

Being in a relationship should not mean stopping thinking about ourselves all the time or getting confused with the other. It’s about dancing together and finding a balance between being empathetic and generous, and being selfish enough not to lose the satisfaction of our individual needs. “I am me; you are you. I am not in this world to meet your expectations. You are not in this world to fulfill mine. You are you; I am me. If at some point, we meet it will be wonderful. If not, it cannot be helped. You are you; I am me ”, reads the Gestalt sentence written by Fritz Perls. According to the Hindu sage Swami Prajnanpad, being with the other should be easy and not involve great efforts or energy wasting. Jealousy, arguments and passionate intensity do not help love to remain, rather they are a misunderstood way of what it is to love. The love that provides greater well-being is the one that naturally desires the good of the other and spontaneously wants the other to feel good, which in a society in which the self usually always puts itself ahead of you and us, I do not know auspicious. With so much feeding our ego and increasing our self-esteem, narcissism prevents us from seeing the other and really contacting them.

MindFixes Staffhttp://mindfixes.com
MindFixes is dedicated to promoting mental health, preventing mental disorders and advocating, educating, and serving all people with mental and substance use conditions. MindFixes is determined to persevere, learn, grow, love and laugh through our wellness journey and we invite all to join.

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