There is an unwritten universal law that allows many wishes to be fulfilled when we have given them up. The key is detachment.
Things often come when we no longer expect them. A gesture of affection. A call. A job. The solution to an economic problem. The relationship with the boss that is magically resolved when we have already thrown in the towel after months or years of efforts that we have considered sterile. Perhaps what comes to us is a new relationship a couple.
The writer Luis Racionero tells in his sentimental memoirs, surviving a great love, six times (RBA), how women approach him just when he has started a new relationship. When you have what you longed for so much a new love – life gives you more. And then you have to choose.
THE “MATTHEW EFFECT”
Sometimes we only achieve things that we already have. That is, more of the same.
- The Bible expresses it with this phrase: “To the one who has, more will be given.”
- The Zen tradition puts it another way, with a paradox: “If you have a cane, I will give you one. If you don’t have it, I’ll take it from you ”.
- And the philosopher Alan Watts wrote: “You can only get something when you don’t need it. You can only get it when you don’t want it. “
It is difficult to understand, and no one has a logical or rational explanation.
On a day-to-day basis, we know that excess tension, of expectations, causes bad results. In sports, for example. With excess tension – that is, when we are too aware of the results – the game does not flow. The same thing happens in life.
The American tennis teacher Jerry Alleyne illustrated it with this example: ” the greater the effort with which we hit the ball, the greater the muscular contraction and, consequently, the lower the speed we put into it.”
At the peak of his journalistic career, Tony Schwartz launched into unexpected experiences in search of fulfillment. According to Alleyne, quoted by Schwartz in What Really Matters (The March Hare), while you have to play to win, you shouldn’t attach the slightest importance to the result.
That is why many times what we want comes when we no longer expect it: because we stop bothering with excessive tension.
LEARN TO DETACH
At heart, we are talking about detachment, one of the universal spiritual laws.
According to this law, to obtain anything in the physical universe we must renounce our attachment to it. “That does not mean that we renounce intention or desire. We renounce interest in the result, “says the well-known American doctor Deepak Chopra.
Detachment is synonymous with trust. Instead, attachment is based on fear and insecurity. And from fear and insecurity we cannot achieve new relationships, new jobs or, of course, a new life stage that is not “more of the same.”
We can start in our everyday environment, trying to radiate confidence. Do not focus on the final goal but on the process, enjoying it.
Ideally, not wanting too much. High expectations, big disappointments. And only then will the unexpected happen.