Sentimental failures are shaping our emotional world. The wounds in our hearts tell our story. What have we learned from them?
In his song The Future, Leonard Cohen says, “There is a crack in everything. This is how the light comes in. “It is a good image to describe what happens with the wounds of the heart.
LEARNING WHAT WE NEED
Each of these painful experiences sheds clarity on what we are looking for and whether that search corresponds to what we really need. In the same way that the Japanese art of kintsugi reveals where the piece was broken with gold, when we break emotionally, we discover who we are.
Once recomposed from the break, in addition to being aware of our history, the lessons slowly come.
One of them is that many times we look outside, in the couple, something that we have within ourselves. When failures are repeated, that light that filters through the cracks of the heart shows us certain patterns and forces us to ask ourselves questions: “Why do I always choose this type of person who does not suit me?” Is mine hiding behind these dysfunctional couples? ”.
The reasons that generate breakups are also usually recurring and will be repeated until we learn the lesson.
- For some people, their Achilles heel is jealousy, mistrust, and the consequent need for control.
- For others, the inability to commit deeply to the partner, which translates into a superficial relationship or infidelity.
- The miscommunication is another major source of conflict, perhaps the most important.
DO NOT FALL INTO YOUR MISTAKES AGAIN
Many couples live in the constant fray of reproaches, pointing out to the other what they are doing wrong, even taking out the dirty laundry of the past as a weapon. As coach Mario Reyes indicates, the best way to get out of this destructive dynamic is to change the complaint for the expression of need.
Instead of saying, for example, “Every day you come home later, you don’t care about me at all” – which only makes the other person feel defensive we should say: “Lately I miss you, I would like you to we would spend more time together ”.
In this sense, the school of love is like the reincarnation wheel of Hinduism. Just as the soul needs to be reborn many times to achieve perfection, in the sentimental field we are condemned to repeat the same mistakes over and over again until we become aware of them and change.
SOMETIMES TRUE LOVE NEEDS THE RIGHT TIME
After love, you can even discover where true love resides, as was the case with singer-songwriter Suzanne Vega. Its history is worth knowing.
In 1981 he met the poet Paul Mills in the then bohemian Greenwich Village of New York. In love with that fragile artist who made her first steps on stage, he helped her polish her lyrics while accompanying her to all her performances. When Suzanne Vega signed to a major label in 1983, Paul had asked her to marry him by letter.
Seeing the doors of success open, she didn’t even answer him and cut off all contact with him. Thanks to songs like Luka, he started selling millions of records and giving concerts all over the world, eventually marrying his producer. Deeply wounded, Paul Mills wrote and recited acid poems about Suzanne in public, which reached her ears and enraged her, although they remained without any contact. Five years later, while strolling one cold winter through the streets of Manhattan, she ran into her old love, 22 years after she had last seen him. Despite past offenses, they went for coffee to catch up. At that very moment, while chatting with him, Suzanne realized that Paul had been the only true love of her life.
On Christmas Day of that same year, Suzanne Vega responded affirmatively to a marriage proposal made 22 years ago. The happiness of mature love has accompanied them ever since.